Sometimes

Memories of the Emerald Isle 

Sometimes, when I listen to some songs I feel that my love to you is unexplainable. It is immeasureable. It is deeper and more divine than human. I see how it explodes outside of me, into some unknown far far away galaxy that people cannot understand.

Every day you come walking. We were out on the road that night. The tiny Northern roads rose around us but we couldn’t see them, it was too dark. I hold my tongue, I don’t do much talking. None of us was talking. You drove quietly, moving your hands almost automatically. I stared at the darkness singing low, caressing the words while they slipped out of my lips to never come back.. You say you’re happy and you’re doing fine. Probably you were not thinking about anything deep, just focusing on getting to somewhere where we could park and sleep. Well, go ahead baby I got plenty of time. Half an hour before the sunset had come unexpectedly while we were lost in the back of your car. We were burning surrounded by the cold and wild waves of the Atlantic.

It seemed as if we were driving away from reality that night. Entering a different dimension in which the furthest away from me you would be was 30 centimetres. The atmosphere was so peaceful, so quiet that it felt almost unreal. It is insane, it is crazy the calm I sense when you are by my side. Well for a while I’ve been watching you steady. Ain’t gonna move ‘till you’re good and ready. From time to time I would slowly turn my head toward you and observe the silhouette of the side of your face. There was so little light that if I hadn’t known your eyes are blue I would have guessed their colour was black, darker than the rocks against which those noisy waves were crushing. Sad eyes never lie. You smiled at me when you noticed I was singing. I shyly asked you if we could play the song again; my excuse was that I wasn’t paying attention to it. Of course you said yes with that honest smile of yours, so confident sometimes and so innocent and shy others. You were so real it was almost unbearable. You show up and then you shy away. But I know pretty soon you’ll be walking this way. I often wonder if you are some son of the sea that has the power of passing the infinite wise calmness of the ancient oceans to me. Passing it to me, daughter of the tragic fire. Sad eyes never lie, sad eyes never lie.

You moved your hand within the darkness of the van to hold mine. My hand was cold, like the sea, and yours was warm, like the fire. I felt comforted by your touch. Well if something in the air feels a little unkind don’t worry darling, it’ll slip your mind.

The song kept re-sounding around us.

I know you think you’d never be mine

Well that’s okay, baby I don’t mind

That shy smile’s sweet, that’s a fact

. . .

Well, one more step and it’ll be too late

Blue blue ribbon in your hair

Like you’re so sure I’ll be standing there

 

It faded away after that last verse that I sang holding your hand. Two minutes later we arrived at our destiny.

 

I cannot explain with words the way I feel about you. It would be harder than guessing what universe is made of when you know nothing about science. The closest feeling one can get to it is that of when a sudden abyss opens in front of you when contemplating a masterpiece of art. Or when one listens to certain songs… Or when your soul is experiencing an imminent orgasm overwhelmed by the beauty of nature.

That is the way I feel about you. Sometimes.

*The passages in italics are the lyrics of Bruce Springsteen’s Sad Eyes